It seems as though we are devoting more and more of our time and emotional energy to thinking about and managing our own or others’ stress and anxiety. Some people have a tendency to worry more than others. Parents often focus on their children’s stress and anxiety on a daily basis in addition to dealing with their own. Without the skills to cope with stress and anxiety, we often escape or avoid the situations, people, and events that elicit the anxious thoughts. We may also become irritable and respond to stressful situations by getting upset or melting down.
One way we can establish and maintain a more balanced state for ourselves and others is to consider our emotional banks, or what Aspie, writer, public speaker, autism advocate, Youtuber, and singer/songwriter Maja Toudal calls “energy accounting.”
According to the energy accounting paradigm, our emotional state is a bank in which we there are emotional deposits and withdrawals that occur daily. The goal is to have more deposits than withdrawals, just like with financial banks. Deposits are the things that make us feel good, provide us with energy, and inspire us. Withdrawals do the opposite. They drain our energy and increase our feelings of stress and anxiety, including the often negative thoughts and uncomfortable physiological effects associated with stress and anxiety (i.e., stomache aches, headaches, increased blood pressure, disrupted sleep, worrying, etc.).
Each person’s bank is unique to him/her. In fact, a deposit for one person may be a withdrawal for another person. For instance, socializing may energize and increase one person’s energy reserve in the bank but completely drain another person’s energy.
To start using the concept in your life or in your child’s life, create two columns: one that lists energy deposits and one that lists energy withdrawals. Below are examples of life experiences that may be in the bank as deposits or withdrawals. Notice that the same thing may function as a deposit or withdrawal depending on the person.
Deposits: Getting hugs, Socializing, Watching TV, Playing sports, Reading a book, Eating ice cream, Exercising, Hearing praise, Watching YouTube, Taking a break, Sleeping, Challenging task, Spending time with family
Withdrawals: Making a mistake, Negative feedback, Listening to a lecture in school, Writing Arguing with family/peers, Being in school, Dealing with changes to the schedule, Losing a game, Socializing, Being alone for too long, Challenging task
The next step is to assign a value (1-100) to each of the items listed and add up the values in each of the columns. Ideally, the total in the deposit column should exceed the value in the withdrawal column. A greater value in the withdrawal column may indicate an increase in stress or anxiety. In this case, it is time to figure out how to increase the activities in the deposit column (i.e., increase the rate of praise and positive interactions or schedule more breaks) and perhaps reduce the duration or frequency of activities/experiences in the withdrawal column.
This can be an effective tool for managing our own, our significant others’, or our children’s stress and anxiety so we can all live a more balanced and healthier life.